*looks at stars*

When I was free from vice, and could focus on being happy and bettering myself…

looks at stars

War Porn addiction never changes

looks at virtual timeline of my entire life and lifestyle based around quitting porn while bobbing head to figli delle stelle

that’s a lot of time to focus on some bullshit issue. have you ever considered you didn’t want it enough

We want our souls back

Everytime I regain my soul by abstience for a long time, some bullshit pops into my head and somehow it’s ok to use porn again somehow. And then if I’m not thinking about it, I just sink into the abyss.

This is a sad state of affairs. A really sad state.

Normalise writing corny shit every day and believing it

IF there’s one thing I’ve been socialised to do, it’s not to be full of myself, to take a joke at my own expense. Any time I write in this blog in general it seems like there’s a nod and a wink and a you’ll still watch porn somehow haha going on.

Like I have obsessed over this issue for how long to get this far. This is kind of serious. What do I really want in my life?

The nod and the wink has to be reproached and changed to seriousness and urgency. My life is running out. I must see the other side. Every day I must serve myself to get closer to my ideals.

The nod and wink is fucking bullshit. Every day I get the choice on whether to have a porn-free day or not. Whether to give into vice or not. It’s called vice because the short term pleasure doesn’t please your soul at a deeper level, you get no sense of deeper mastery. You just placate yourself longer and longer until the grave.

Pro tip: If the ‘super fun’ activity you’re doing doesn’t engage the neo cortex part of your brain that makes you uniquely human on any level, it’s a vice.

The Dream

Better mental faculties. Good sleep. Not dependent on vape or caffeine. Healthy weight. No pornography. Vastly improved health, mentally and physically. Imagine the outcome after a long time of living that life.

Do the Laundry

Not taking care of yourself, not going for that run, not doing that meditation session, not staying on top of where you’re headed, that’s like not doing the laundry.

You can get away with it temporarily. Eventually the house turns into a right mess, and the laundry badly needs to be done. If you still don’t want to do the fucking laundry, you have a problem.

Or, turn the wheel on that ship iceberg dead ahead

ding ding ding oh for fuck’s sake who didn’t do the fucking laundry iceberg dead ahead avert course avert course

Be the master of the ship. Learn the ship, study it well, maintain it every day. Do not let there be no captain at the ship, it will toss and turn like a motherfucker and you might even go overboard, holy shit. You need to captain that bitch. Every day, understand where you’re at and where you’re going.

i’m an adult though i can handle this

Handle it then, formally. Every day get into the habit of asking yourself, are you on track for your personal, deep goals you hold. You really want something badly if you cultivated a strong genuine, deep desire to do something.

Every day maintain yourself, steel yourself for the challenge ahead. It doesn’t have to be boring, have fun!!! Nothing is more fun than steering that fucking ship. Discipline will set you free. I mean discipline in the sense that you gotta get behind that fucking wheel on a basic-ass/any fucking level, as the bare minimum.

Santa holding the face of the grinch in one palm and an angel in the other

tl;dr do your fucking laundry every day, like successful people do. what is a successful person? someone whose soul isn’t hurting