Things are getting better
Hello legends who keep reading this blog <3
Bad times happened
Basically totally sunk into old habits for a solid 3-4 months of using porn pretty consistently. It dragged me down into the pits of hating my life.
Same old story really. It’s like a coping mechanism. A really bad one.
I’m like 15 days porn free now though
Bad LSD trip
Had my first bad trip on psychedelics just before the new year. It was like total paranoia, thinking ‘someone’ is out to get me etc. Thinking I’m going to get locked up.
If you can’t control your mind when you’re sober, how can you control your mind when you are losing it? I learned a lot from that trip though - I haven’t watched porn since then.
The trip just held a fat mirror up to my face and realised all the times throughout my life how I’d been uninentionally pretty creepy to women and put them off. And that has to be because of porn and how it progressively sexualises and warps your brain. It perverts the natural way of seeing the world. Artificial sexual stimuli is a total cancer.
You don’t have to change much
All you gotta do is not watch porn. You can pretty much continue your life as it is, change a few things here and there, but that is like a keystone habit that provides 80% of an improved outlook on life.
Dating apps
Are basically porn. I did sort of relapse to this. I need a solid 6 month period of staying completely clean of sexual stimuli like this online, to fully rewire my brain. I’m not really ready for women on the internet in any way yet. If ever.
Finding a way to enjoy life without activating the sex part of your brain
Like you can find a way to enjoy your life without doing it, really. You’re not really enjoying your life as much as you could be at any point when you’re wanking over pixels online. You’re just not. Objectively speaking.
There’s other bad habits too, but they just don’t have an effect in the same way.
Consistent meditation
Haven’t missed a single day of meditation since the new year started. It’s really enjoyable in its own right. The mental clarity you get from it persists even into the day after that. It’s something that only really fully reveals itself over a long time after you make it a habit. Don’t knock it if you have only done one or two sessions here and there. When you get into it, it’s like it begins to passively make the rest of your life better in ways you couldn’t have considered.