Learning the Hard Way Through Social Situations
Been doing better mentally recently, but I got there though a wee bit of pain.
Meeting with friends
Me and my friend group met up for boxing day shennanigans, we hung out at various pubs and drank. I didn’t personally drink because I genuinely just don’t enjoy it that much, but otherwise we ended up at the club as well.
I stuck around because a friend was offering weed, not really into clubbing myself. Got kind of high off of two blunts and it was kind of nice 😇
Feeling like crap socially
Beacause I had used porn the day before (christmas day, happy christmas), I was intrinsically less talkative, less open and more anxious in general. I sounded pretty lame, lower pitch voice etc. Not feeling great in general.
Finding it easier to reject porn going forward
So I just had another moment today between choosing to use porn or continuing to enjoy a porn-free life, and all I saw in porn at that moment was the intense social awkwardness I experienced, and the possibility that could all go away. It makes a lot of sense when presented like that.
Permanent unconditioning from porn
Been braving the nicotine withdrawals for two days now. Quitting porn alongside it. No more revolting semi-suicidal behaviour. You’re either dying physically from a vape pen or emotionally from all this porn crap you put into your body.
Whatever my lower self thinks, my higher self knows that pornography is verboten.