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It's gotta come to an end at some point.

Hi hello everyone welcome back to the blog if you’re still reading this.

I’m going to preach about how great LSD is for a bit, but I will get back to more grounded non-drug related things later on.

Stuck in a total rut until taking LSD

I’m not going to lie, if you’re reading this blog then you’re probably diving deep into the pornfree movement at this point. I’m trying to write this blog to help others, give them a different take on the whole process. Take it or leave it, I’m just sharing what seems to have worked quite well for me personally.

If you’ve genuinely tried really hard over many years or even decades to quit porn addiction, you might owe it to yourself to try something quite extreme like taking LSD. It has been immeasurably helpful.

What does it do? The most important thing is that it gives you perspective on infinite possibilities for living your life, lets you begin to imagine what other people’s lives might be like. Their lives might be a total mess, or a well constructed well oiled machine. LSD helps you concieve of these potential realities. But it’s always up to you at the end of the day to implement it. It still comes from within.

After taking LSD for the first time over two months ago, my mind was so blown away that I regressed into bad habits. I wanted to ‘regain a sense of normality’ so yeah went back to even more vaping and porn. But given my experience in both making this website, thinking about this deeply the entire time and always having a nagging feeling that I want something more for my life, the sense of ‘normality’ honestly became completely out of wack with where I truly want to be right now.

And that’s okay. It’s okay to beat your meat to porn every day if you really want to, sure. Vape away. Do whatever you want to do. But, what is most important is that it is you and that you are true to your own authentic self when you do these things. If you are constantly living in cognitive dissonance, this is bad. You might be used to it. It might not be your priority. You might want to just ignore it. That’s natural stuff. But try to get out of your mind a bit. There are pleasures and joys beyond your current comprehension if you have just been beating your junk religiously for over a decade.

LSD has really helped me out but it’s definitely a two sided, double edged sword and you can really harm yourself if you take it irresponsibly. DO NOT take this lightly. You must have a purpose going into it. Enjoy the experience, take something positive away from it. Read the effects (psychonaut wiki is great). Become mega educated. Don’t be afraid because it is illegal: it is a mark of quality if anything. I can guarantee I have done more damage to my body through legal substances than LSD by a country mile.

Also think about the consequences of not fixing your problems now. You will be paying the debt of a life less well lived for as many years and decades that you go on in ignorance not knowing how great the other side can feel. You don’t know what it is like to have a normal psychology, to have functioning genitals, to connect with other humans on the deepest level. It’s like an altered state of consciousness, but permanent. LSD gives you a temporary altered state of consciousness and lets you see these possibilities, in a way that you might go on to choose such a life for yourself. Whatever you do, fixing your problems now and crossing the rubicon, seeing the other side of life might just be the thing that saves you. It’s better than being depressed as fuck, living in instant gratification your entire life and having no reason to live.

Anxious and miserable if you do, anxious and miserable if you don’t… but…

Here’s basically how any addictive thing works:

• You feel anxious and miserable if you do the habit all the time. Eventually this becomes your new normal so you don’t perceive it as bad even if it might be that bad.
• You quit to stop feeling anxious and miserable all the time. You feel potentially more anxious and miserable in the short term. So you relapse. Unsurprisingly, you suffered the withdrawal effects just to go back to feeling anxious and miserable. Because you thought that the suffering you had which was temporary was actually permanent.
• Logically, analytically, the only correct decision is the secret third way that takes a lot of courage and mindset change to build up to: never doing it, and staying the course come what may. That way, you never feel anxious and miserable. It might take ages to build up to this, but your life is your life, it’s all you have. Make it the best possible. Concieve of something better.

If you feel really really horny and need to relapse, just sit and observe your emotions, and the sensations your body is putting out. How interesting. Don’t be scared of the thought of relapsing, play it out in your head! How does it feel, it feels ‘good’ right. Sure it does. But does it really feel good. Do you feel alive inside, do you feel the joys of your finite existance as you spend it while looking at the porn? How do you feel after you’ve completed your 3+ hour session, how do you feel then? Visualise the clock ticking away on a timelapse. How will you feel a month from now? Have you just completely given up on real life, real girls, real pleasures, real enjoyments? Is this is it for you? Can you even possibly concieve of a life outside of this existence you have created for yourself? Your abnormal psychology? Why don’t you just keep that horny energy bottled up a little longer and see how much better things could be.

If you feel dead inside while recovering, like you have no motivation to do anything, well why is that the case? Did you feel any different when you were having your crazy long sessions every day? Your normal was watching copious amounts of porn every day, your body has adapted to this. If you have been watching porn consistently for over a decade, don’t be surprised when it takes longer than three weeks for your body to change and to recover. This shit takes time. Enjoy the ride, it is quite a remarkable experience.

Go insane. You would have to be insane to concieve of a reality beyond your normal lived experience, to push the boundaries of what you know and to steer the ship in an uncharted direction in search of a better life. Go fucking insane and do it. Every day. Even if you feel like you are ‘missing out’ on something. You won’t feel that way forever.

How I’m doing

Currently 19 days clean of porn, 34 days free of the vape and feeling sort of bipolar. Some days feel really good and energetic, some days I feel like the walking dead and I’m not interested in anything. It’s pretty crazy. Like honestly don’t underestimate the recovery process is what I will say. Prepare to feel completely drained. It’s dramatic.

Just like I said above though, what keeps me going is damned if I do, damned if I don’t. Buttttt… if I KEEP pushing through this, eventually I will no longer be damned. I will always be a damned slave if I stick to PMO. Like I have been doing. More than half of my life.

A habit that just sucks everything out of living and existance and just pours it all down the drain. No genuine connections, no feeling of joy and love when you complete a hard challenge, no HD life at all. Just fucking pornography and your mammalian brain reacting to it. Over and over again. That’s your brain’s purpose. That is what it will fucking do, until the end of you. Over and over again.

What is the point of living if that is all you are to do every day. Honestly. What is it. You have already seen porn. Many times. Many many times. Repeatedly for hours and hours. Porn doesn’t satiate our need to live. Porn is amazing at making us forget our need to live though.

tl;dr lysergic acid diethylamide