Get Positive

What I’ve been up to for two weeks, getting out of compulsive thoughts

For about a month I had been just playing games compulsively (when I didn’t even want to), vaping constantly and just being in the dumps. It all came to a head when I was out with family feeling terrible and for what felt like the millionth time, enough was enough.

So two weeks ago I decided to become more disciplined. Here are some commitments I made:

I haven’t been perfect every day, but the mindset shift has been good. I was in a darker place at the beginning of this month, and that has gone away.

You can’t really be a hypocrite when it comes to improving yourself

I was playing games compulsively like there is nothing better to do, even if I didn’t want to. So I’m trying to stop compulsively using porn, yet I am ok with compulsively playing video games? It doesn’t make logical sense. Not to mention the mountains and mountains of vapes I was getting through. It’s just ridiculous.

Be careful with instant gratification (videogames)

Good singleplayer game experiences are great and recommended and can give you immensely valuable experiences.

The games you play forever in a live service model aka WoW, Rocket League, Apex, LoL etc will pry upon your brain and manipulate it in the exact same way that porn does. So does vape, or excessive junk food etc.

Rewire your brain

I know you’ve read this a million times before. But at least from my perspective I’m discovering that it’s all too real. It’s really really difficult to fix your life in one area while entirely neglecting other similarly important areas of your life that are important to fix. It’s still cognitive dissonance. Why not get better in all areas of your life?

What you find is that your brain was conditioned for ‘dopamine hits’ over satisfying long-term goals the entire time, and that rewiring your brain, doing the things that you know you should do but wasn’t doing was the right thing to do all along. Gradually you do more of the right thing and over time your perspective changes.

I’m only two weeks in, I’ve written this stuff before, I’ve experienced life like this before, but the more exposure I get the more I like this kind of life. I’m not perfect, I make mistakes, but my quality of life is genuinely miles better compared to being depressed, compulsively playing Minecraft and vaping and PMOing constantly. It’s like I’m more at peace.

We’re all on our own path

It’s all good just saying this stuff to someone, but it doesn’t really have an effect unless the person is receptive to it. If the person has truly hit some sort of rock bottom, some sort of feeling like ‘this isn’t ok anymore’, that something has got to change. Happiness is kind of a choice honestly. You have to experience the bad of immediate gratification 24/7 to feel like truly changing.

No more depressedcore for this site

I’ve definitely associated writing blog posts on this site with like relapse and some sort of neurotic recovery thing.

No more. Fuck that, I’ve been porn-free for two weeks. I thought about using porn today. Then I realised I just genuinely am not interested. I want a working dick, I want to live my life in HD, I want to experience real life and emotions. All of the same reasons I’m not compulsively gaming anymore. I wanna work to build a good life from now on. I’m already living that to some degree but there’s more to be done ;)

Writing depressing psychobabble blog articles where I’m just spinning a tire in the mud is pretty silly. It’s been fun for a while but I’d rather just write positive stuff from now on. I think I’ll stop short of turning the site’s colour scheme to light mode though (take that Aaron).