100%
No more messing around, as was said a million times since the beginning of time.
Time to learn and apply what I preach
This year has been my most porn-free year ever. I have strengthened my resolve to quit this descpicable addiction greatly. 2024 will be more successful even still, and even more successful on top of that, repeat forever until you are fully cured. And each year gets easier than the last.
However, there is still an imbalance between what I rationally, consciously think and my actions. The pathways are still there on some level. 12+ years of addiction isn’t the fastest thing to remove from your system all at once, immediately.
The main articles on this site are the final goal psychology, where I need to be. And I am closer than ever before.
So yeah, I watched more of that horrible shit today
1-2 hours of time wasted, brain rot induced, bad feelings and bad vibes for no benefit. Stress levels increased. This can all be avoided with some more conscious thought before jumping to doing the deed.
Past me VS Current me
In the past, whenever I messed up, and watched porn again, I would dive back in, head first and completely reset my brain back to total coomer level. No passion for life, low road thinking. No excitement or passion. Every time.
I’m not saying I’ve been perfect in the past 2 months by a long shot (most recent series of ‘attempts’ or whatever), but the difference in psychology is remarkable.
Before I would accept the brain fog coming on and resensitise my brain quickly. Defeatism would set in. The fog would subsume me. I never even knew what it was like to be significantly porn free for a long time.
Now, in the past two months, I have become cleaner than I have ever been before. My psychology peaked. I could feel the calm, tranquility for fleeting moment last week. But then withdrawals, or whatever it is kicked in and sent me back to feeling depressed. So I relapsed. And there is always some kind of regret.
However. I have now seen too much. My eyes are too open. I have taken the red pill and there is no going back. It doesn’t matter how many temporary lapses happen. It doesn’t matter. It never mattered. I always, always, always have come back to NoFap/porn-free every single time. For 12 years. Every single time. I have never once consciously decided to fully give up on this ambition of mine, to one day be porn free and experience optimal psychology. A clean life, a clean existence.
I told a friend about this site
Hi if you’re reading by the way, send me a message on Discord (you know who you are)
He’s definitely the only friend I could have told, as he’s probably the most open-minded and deepest thinker I know. He’s always trying to improve himself, and follow the light toward a better future. I’m proud to call him my friend. Hope you’re enjoying the praise if you’re reading this, sorry for being soppy.
I made this site to supercharge my emotions and get me fired up to fuck this shit off, out of my life forever. It’s not really a mass consumption thing. Welcome to expressing yourself on the internet anonymously, it’s pretty fun. My friend is the only one I told, partially because I want to show off some cool web dev stuff but also partially because he still uses porn and perhaps I want to show him the light, and how great it is to be porn free. I don’t think there’s anyone else I could tell who wouldn’t judge me on some level. My parents are done hearing about this shit (yeah, i talk to them because i have a close relationship). My friends probably think I’m mental on some level when I talk about this. Like, why are you so hyperfixated on this.
But like, who am I to tell anyone how to do things if I don’t do it properly myself.
Watch this space. I really want it to be the place where things finally turned around and starting making sense, and I gave up on shitty cognitive dissonance porn use rubbish once and for all.
Everyone has a theory about how ‘you’re supposed to think about beating porn addiction’
You’re either supposed to think about it loads and try to beat it hardcore, or not think about it at all and let it fade from memory. Some say you’re supposed to use porn blockers on all your devices (good luck, you will find a way, maybe even uninstalling them will become your ritual), some say it’s all in the mind, mentally.
I’d say just not beating yourself up and having an endgoal in mind is good. And not giving up. Yes, technically I never gave up but 12 years could have been shrunk down by a lot if I stuck through it harder at points. I didn’t realise what porn cost me.
Technical upgrades to this site
Using Astro to write this site going forward is making life a joy. If you’re reading this, go get it. It’s better than plain HTML/CSS/JS by a ton. You can just crap out text and the tags write themselves.