More About Me

My porn history

I'm a male in his 20s. I started watching pornography at the age of 12.

At the time I knew other kids were doing it, and I heard it would be really pleasurable. It took a long time to achieve my first orgasm. I was genuinely worried what would happen if I orgasmed so I asked people online anonymously what would happen. They were all like 'what the hell are you talking about, just do it and you will be fine lol'.

I was masturbating to porn the entire time when trying to learn to masturbate for the first time. I honestly didn't feel that aroused at all. Perhaps it's because I hadn't finished puberty by then, but far more likely it was because I hadn't built the neuroplastic hypersensitive pathways in my brain by then.

I rapidly started using more and more porn. I actually started on some really weird fetish stuff, bdsm and latex. I didn't really know what I was watching at the time, but I didn't stay on those categories for long and if anything moved to more tame stuff. Eventually I settled on a specific fetish which is basically the only porn category I have watched for all these years.

At its peak for many years it would be one 2-3 hour porn session a day.

Pretty much just alongside discovering porn for the first time, I also discovered NoFap and porn free communities.

I've tried countless times over the years to beat my porn addiction. Some of my friends called me obsessed when I spoke to them about it, but no matter what I always wanted to quit. I always came back to wanting to quit, with every single session. I never gave up on the ultimate dream, a life without being a slave to this mind-altering rubbish.

I've spent money on coaching platforms, I even donated a three-figure sum to NoFap at one point, thinking that would kick me into it. I've watched pretty much every YouTube video on beating a porn addiction. I've seen it all. It's kind of sad really.

The good news is, I truly feel like I have hit an inflection point as of the writing of this article. I am getting to the point where my brain is fully developed, and I am making more rational decisions. I also went through getting hooked on nicotine for the first time for four months, and then going cold turkey to give me some insight into how bad an addiction can affect me.

Like, wow, this is how awful I feel going through a vape pen every single day. This is my new reality. But I can easily remember not too long ago, my life being so much better. So I wanted to quit vaping.

I've been compulsively using porn for so long that I cannot remember how a genuine, porn free life feels. That's part of my motivation in quitting. To see what is on the other side.